Tuesday 23 February 2021
91视频's Yorkshire
Jane鈥痑nd Tim were supported by鈥�91视频's in Yorkshire when Tim's treatment was stopped due to鈥痗oronavirus.聽We were able to support them both through聽the challenges they faced, with diagnosis, a pandemic, changing treatment and loss.
Tim started thinking something was wrong last autumn. He felt like food was getting stuck on the way to his stomach.
The doctors didn鈥檛 think it was anything to worry鈥痑bout鈥痓ut he was sent for an endoscopy just to check. Tim seemed fine after the endoscopy and I鈥檝e actually got a picture of him smiling while we waited for the results.鈥�� 鈥�
The endoscopy revealed he had Barrett鈥檚 oesophagus and a lump that was 2cm鈥�-鈥疘 burst into tears. I just needed to know if it was鈥痗ancer鈥痓ut they said they鈥檇 have to wait for the biopsy results.
All the indications from the doctor were鈥痶hat it was cancer, everything we heard suggested it would be, but we had to wait. It was an awful time. The diagnosis came ten days later. We were told it was an advanced stage four oesophageal cancer.鈥疶hey said surgery was not an option and that his chemotherapy would鈥痵tart around Christmas.鈥�� 鈥�
I鈥檓 not someone who seeks out help.
My mum has had cancer for eight and a half鈥痽ears鈥痓ut I鈥檝e never felt I needed help or support.
However, when Tim was diagnosed, everyone said we should go to the 91视频's Yorkshire centre. It was more Tim that wanted to go鈥� 鈥� 鈥疘 don鈥檛 like visiting new places and didn鈥檛 think it would help. But it did.鈥� 鈥�
We walked in and met the Centre Head, Amanda. She was really lovely鈥�, she showed us into a room and told us what they did.
From then on, whenever鈥痺e were at the hospital, we would say to each other 鈥楽hall we go to 91视频鈥檚 for a cuppa?鈥� They were just really friendly.
Amanda became our go-to person. I think Tim found it really helpful to talk about his cancer as it helped him to process things.鈥疻e would go in and just have a little chat and it was always Amanda who we saw. She was the one who we made a鈥痓ee-line鈥痜or as we鈥檇 got to know her.鈥�� 鈥�
We then found out鈥痶hat 91视频鈥檚鈥痟ad 叠别苍别蹿颈迟蝉鈥疉诲惫颈蝉辞谤蝉鈥�, so we went to see her and she discussed everything with us.
They went above and beyond as well, finding additional support for Tim during his treatment. Never in a million years did we think he鈥檇 qualify for certain鈥痗omponents鈥痓ut he did and that was a real boost financially.鈥� 鈥�
Just before treatment started, I managed to surprise Tim with a trip to the Ice Hotel.鈥疘 had been planning it for months 鈥� long before Tim had had any symptoms.鈥疉t the bottom of the box鈥痮f presents of new jumpers and winter clothes were the tickets.
He was completely surprised.鈥疨art of him was also upset because he thought I had booked it thinking he was鈥痝oing to die. When he found out that it had always been鈥痯lanned, 鈥痟e was thrilled because it was鈥痑 genuine treat for us both.鈥�� 鈥�
Tim was planned for six cycles of three weeks, due to end on 10 May. The first chemo was just before Christmas鈥痮n the 20鈥疍ec.
When the鈥痙rinks trolley came around the鈥痺ard鈥痶hey didn鈥檛 just have tea and coffee, we had a festive G and T instead. We really tried to stay positive and make the best of the situation we had found ourselves in.鈥��� 鈥�
We鈥痑lso鈥痝ot to spend Christmas with鈥痑ll our鈥痜amily鈥痺hich was just magical. My mum hadn鈥檛 been very well, and鈥痑s鈥疶im had鈥痡ust started his chemotherapy a few days before鈥疌hristmas, we weren鈥檛 sure we would be able to.鈥�
Tim鈥檚鈥痵ide effects were鈥痬anageable,鈥痶he main one making鈥痟im feel like鈥痑鈥�90-year-old (his words). This鈥痬eant鈥痟e was very鈥痶ired鈥痑nd his body ached.鈥�
We took the decision to drive the 200 miles so that we could have a family Christmas together. No-one ever knows what鈥檚鈥痑round鈥痶he corner but even with the recent diagnosis, we never thought it would be Tim鈥檚 last Christmas. It makes it all the more special that we were all together for it.鈥� 鈥�
Tim was the ultimate uncle; he loved rolling around on the floor, playing with the nieces and nephews.
Even though he wasn鈥檛 his usual self that Christmas,鈥痟e did so well鈥痑nd even鈥痬anaged鈥痶o come鈥痮n a family鈥痠ce-skating鈥痶rip.
Our nephew, who was only seven, was really happy pushing his uncle Tim around on the ice. It meant so much to have us all together.鈥�� 鈥�
Tim was back for round two of chemotherapy in January 2020.
With such a difficult diagnosis, we knew it was bad, but we were both in the general sense very positive as he was young, fit and healthy.
The consultant鈥痵aid鈥�: "You鈥檇 know if the chemo was working". And we did.鈥�� 鈥�
The midway scan鈥痠n February鈥痵uggested he was doing much better, with a near-complete response and with the鈥痮riginal鈥痶umour now barely visible.
We were told to expect that Tim could live for more than six months. Then he had one more round of chemotherapy鈥痑nd鈥痗oronavirus鈥痟it鈥痑nd his treatment was just stopped.
Tim desperately wanted鈥痠t to continue, as he could honestly feel it was working鈥痑s he had no issues with food getting stuck.鈥疭o he was鈥痙evastated when it didn鈥檛 continue.鈥�� 鈥�
We didn鈥檛 really know what was going to happen鈥痮r鈥痺hen things could resume.鈥�
We were at home, shielding and isolating.
After鈥痡ust鈥痮ver鈥痶wo weeks,鈥疶im started to feel deep pain鈥痠n his back, and鈥痺e knew he needed to resume treatment.鈥�
However, it took鈥痑nother鈥痶hree鈥痺eeks to restart the chemotherapy.鈥疊y the time it arrived, it felt like an age.鈥疘 guess, deep down, I knew things weren鈥檛鈥痝ood鈥痓ut I鈥痶ried not to鈥痶hink about it. Tim was a worrier, so he was worried, but I鈥檇 always try and convince him otherwise.鈥���
One morning we rang the hospital as Tim鈥檚鈥痯ain was getting a lot worse.鈥疘 remember that morning鈥痵o well,鈥痩aying鈥痠n bed with him, cuddling him.
I actually took a picture鈥痮f us, but he looks really unwell in鈥痠t.鈥疻e鈥痷sed to love鈥痩aying鈥痠n bed鈥痗uddling鈥痶ogether.
We arranged for鈥疶im to go into hospital, but took our time getting ready鈥痶o leave.鈥疘 don鈥檛 think either of us knew it would be his last time at home.鈥�
I dropped him off鈥痑lone鈥痑t the hospital鈥痚ntrance, as I was unable to enter the hospital with him due to coronavirus.鈥�
It鈥檚 hideous to be separated from the person you love when they鈥檙e鈥痠n hospital.
Just a cuddle makes鈥痶hings鈥痓etter. It makes it better for him, and it makes it better for me. And we couldn鈥檛 do that. We spent鈥痬ost鈥痮f鈥痮ur鈥痶ime鈥痮n FaceTime鈥痶o each other.
One morning, he fell asleep on a call, and I just watched him鈥痵leeping鈥痜or an hour.鈥�� 鈥�
We kept campaigning for Tim to get his chemotherapy. At one point, the man next to Tim in the hospital turned to him and said, 鈥淏loody hell, your wife is a鈥痜ighter鈥痠sn鈥檛 she?鈥�
We fought, and鈥痺e managed to get Tim part of his chemotherapy treatment.
But when Tim鈥檚 feeding became problematic, we ran into difficulty. There were problems with the stents鈥痟e had fitted, and one night Tim was in such pain that he thought he was going to die. And he wrote me a鈥痩etter to say goodbye.
The next鈥痬orning鈥痟e鈥痶old me about it and said it would be on his鈥痠Pad鈥痜or me, just鈥痠n case鈥痟e died. He鈥痚nded up reading鈥痠t to me.鈥�� 鈥�
In late March,鈥痺hen鈥痗oronavirus hit and stopped Tim鈥檚 treatment,鈥痺e had been told they expected Tim to live鈥痜or鈥痬ore than six months.鈥�
So鈥痠n early June,鈥痺hen鈥痶he consultant鈥痳ang me from Tim鈥檚 bedside, and told鈥痷s that Tim he was dying,鈥痺e were in shock.
Tim was jaundiced due to complications with the stent.鈥疧ur choice was between liver failure or鈥痑ttempting to correct鈥痶he liver failure with鈥痑nother stent鈥痑nd鈥痶hen鈥痙ying of cancer.鈥�
Either way we were looking at four weeks max. The consultant heavily suggested that fitting another stent was not in Tim鈥檚 best interests.鈥�
Tim鈥痑lso鈥痙idn鈥檛 want another procedure鈥痶hat could鈥痯otentially cause yet more problems鈥痑s so many procedures had already gone wrong.鈥疭o鈥痶he choice was made.鈥�� 鈥�
We had to decide if Tim remained in hospital or came home 鈥� a hospice was not an option as they would only allow me to see Tim for an hour a day due to鈥痗oronavirus.鈥�
Everything was set for him to come home but he had a鈥痳eally鈥痓ad day and even the consultant said they didn鈥檛 think Tim would manage the journey.
It had scared us both and Tim said that he didn鈥檛 want me to have to deal with鈥痟im by myself at home in that situation,鈥痵o the decision was made鈥痜or him鈥痶o stay in hospital.
That鈥檚 Tim all over, always thinking of others before himself.鈥疉t this point they allowed me to stay with Tim which I was very grateful for.鈥� All he wanted was to be with me and that鈥檚 all I wanted too.鈥�� 鈥�
He died two weeks after, Tuesday 23鈥疛une 2020, aged 42.鈥�� 鈥�
Tim didn鈥檛 like hospitals so being able to call into the鈥�91视频鈥檚鈥痗entre after each hospital appointment, treatment or blood test was so helpful for him.
To have a space where he鈥痗ould sit and process what he was going through鈥痮r talk it through with someone was a massive benefit to him. The 91视频鈥檚 centre is a very beautiful space and with Tim loving architecture it just felt a bit like a second home 鈥� a much nicer second home than the hospital鈥痺as becoming.鈥� 鈥�
The first time Tim鈥檚 treatment got delayed he left the hospital feeling very stressed, disappointed and anxious about it all so it was only natural for us to go to the鈥�91视频鈥檚 centre to see if they could help.
We spoke to Amanda and told her what had happened and asked if Emma, the Clinical Psychologist,鈥痺as able to鈥痳un鈥痑鈥痳elaxation session with us.鈥�
Luckily,鈥痵he had time to do a session with us, even though she wasn鈥檛 scheduled to鈥痙o one鈥痷ntil the鈥痑fternoon.
I cannot thank them enough for doing this as it really helped Tim and he came away from the centre so much more relaxed and accepting of the delay in treatment.鈥� 鈥�
In lockdown, he was able to continue to follow the relaxation practices鈥痟e had learnt鈥痶hrough the online鈥痳esources, which helped as鈥痟is pain鈥痝ot worse. I remember hearing it many nights鈥痺hen he was struggling to sleep.鈥� 鈥�
After Tim had died, I wanted to set up a 鈥痑s part of it.鈥�
The decision鈥痶o support鈥�91视频鈥檚 just seemed like the right thing to do as they had helped鈥痷s so much.
I contacted the centre and they helped me set up the page, advising on different ways I could do this.
I chose one where people could upload photos and memories of Tim and I have found a lot of comfort in what people have written.
I just wish Tim could have seen what people said about him and how much he was loved. I also think he would have liked that we raised money for the centre鈥�撯�痠t鈥檚 not something we discussed before he died.鈥� 鈥�
Since Tim died,鈥�91视频鈥檚鈥痟ave continued to support me.
My first call to the centre I just talked to Amanda and she listened. I鈥檓 not someone who鈥痩ikes鈥痶o鈥痶alk about my thoughts and feelings but I felt safe chatting to Amanda. It helped me to process what I鈥檇 been through and reassure me that all the things that鈥疘鈥痺as feeling were completely normal.
I remember saying to Amanda that 'I would never have come into the centre had it not been for Tim.' The only person that I would open up to would have been Tim.
For me to have gone to the centre by myself just after he died was quite a brave thing鈥痶o do鈥痑nd I鈥檓 sure Tim would have been very proud of me.
I was glad鈥疘鈥痙id as鈥疘鈥痗ame away feeling much better,鈥痺hich is why I went back a second time when I ended up back at hospital collecting some of Tim belongings.鈥� 鈥�
This time Amanda wasn鈥檛 there.鈥疕elen introduced herself and asked if she could help. I just didn鈥檛 know what to do, stay, leave,鈥痺hat was best for me?鈥疘 just answered her saying I don鈥檛 know. She then offered me a brew which I accepted. She was so鈥痩ovely and鈥痑sked if I wanted to talk.鈥�
Again鈥疘 didn鈥檛 know so she said that she would sit at the kitchen table and I was welcome to join her or sit somewhere quietly by myself. I decided to join her.鈥�
She asked if I鈥檇 just been for treatment or an appointment,鈥痑t which point I just burst into tears and told her the whole story about Tim.
I must have talked to her for over two hours and never did she rush me or make me feel like I was wasting her time. I came away feeling so much better.鈥� 鈥�
Now I just keeping bobbing into the centre when I feel I need to offload.
It鈥檚 nice to be greeted with a friendly face and a鈥痗up of tea, have a chat and possibly even a cry,鈥痓ut鈥疘 always鈥痗ome away feeling much better about things. In fact, I think I鈥檓 probably due another鈥痸isit鈥痵oon.鈥�
A 91视频鈥檚 tribute page is a wonderful way to remember someone you loved by raising money in their name supporting 91视频鈥檚 work.
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